… the 5th of November.  Gunpowder, treason and plot!

The French don’t celebrate the discovery and subsequent failure of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605. Why would they?  After all, being a predominantly Catholic society, they probably thoroughly approve of Guy Fawkes’ plot to blow up James I and his protestant parliament.  Perhaps they should revive the tradition!  Certainly the Health and Safety Executive seem to have put the mockers on the traditional British firework party.

Before children roamed the streets demanding money with menaces on 31st October in the name of “Trick or Treat”, we had “Penny for the Guy”.  Of course, that was back in the days when children could still buy fireworks with the proceeds. Remember those halcyon days when it was not politically incorrect to burn efigies of historical personages with extreme religeous views, and encouraging children to dip apples in molten caramel or boil homemade fudge was not considered the height of irresponsibility.

£20 would buy a sizeable haul of rockets, catherine-wheels, bangers and sparklers, and the only hardware one needed for the perfect display were a few milk bottles, a sturdy fence and a hammer and nails.  The trouble with the old-fashioned Guy Fawkes parties was that they were invariably subject to the vagueries of British weather. The presenters of “Blue Peter” advised keeping pets indoors, while Dad lit the blue touch-paper and stood well back … keeping everyone wondering whether the evening drizzle had really exinguished the fuse or not!  If you were lucky to have a really big back yard, dinner consisted of charred sausages and blackened baked potatoes, cooked in the embers of the bonfire. We wore anoraks, wooly hats and gloves, and wellies, and stood so close to the fire that we burned our cheeks as rain dripped from our hoods and down our necks.

Britain has now become so … un-British … that I doubt whether many children understand why we have fireworks on, or around, 5th November.  But there was a kind of magic about those rain-soaked bonfire parties, that no slick public firework display, with its beer stands, hamburger stalls and candy-floss, can replicate. Now bored kids with bare midrifs and baggy pants winge about being too cold to send a text message on their mobile phones or operate their Playstations.

Tant pis, as they say in France!